Liu Sun wrote:The Artist Formerly Known As Chen Ning wrote:Indeed I shall take all advice tendered under advisement... for it was my dearest wish not to be a bother, but to ask in such a matter that if a god were to notice it they might invoke their power. Surely, my poor request has provided fodder for much spam and the general wasting of time that passes for our conversation

Verily, I will make haste to change my most humble request to one more fitting these strange and terrible gods... and who knows, when next you see me my head might be in the shape of a turnip or radish or something even more horrible and wonderous. Till then dear friends... farewell...
Well you should be more cautious when taking advice, Chen... They're all lying to you. The real best way to get your username changed is as follows...
You'll have to wait a few more days for the autumnal equinox, as Admins are known to fly south for the summer. Once the first leaves start to turn orange and fall from trees, they'll migrate back to their colder environs. Along this journey, the magestic Admin will find itself faced with all kinds of perils: Swimming upstream, crossing the street against the light, and the polar bear from Lost. These trials will quickly slough away the migratory layer of fat that the Admin gained when it burst forth from its cocoon just prior to the equinox, requiring nourishment to maintain its million mile journey home.
THIS IS YOUR CHANCE!
Here's what you'll need: A cardboard box, a plate, ten to fifteen (10-15) D20s, a stick, a length of rope, a square of cardboard, a sharpee pen, and a faux bush. Place the dice onto the plate, and prop the box up with the stick. With your sharpee, write on the square of cardboard "FREE D20S!!!!" and place it to the right of the box (your right, the box's left). Finally, set up the faux bush to the left of the box (your left, the box's right) and hide behind it with the rope securely tied to the stick. Now, wait. Eventually, a wandering Admin will poke its head out of its hole. Provided that the Admin does not see its shadow, it will be enticed by the promise of its favorite delicacy: The Enumerated Dodecahedron. Should the Admin see you, it will immediately grow to 50 times its size and... Shall we say the result will not be pretty? (But certainly cute!) Hence you are hidden behind your bush! Lucky you! When the Admin scampers to the plate, quickly yank the stick and trap him or her in the box! Hurrah!
But you're not finished yet, nossir. You merely have an Admin-in-a-box. How can they change your name while in a box? The first thing you'll have to do is wait a little longer. Inside a box is not the natural habitat for the wild Admin--the domesticated breed, certainly, but unless you're in The Czech Republic good luck with that--which naturally leads to a great deal of confusion and frustration for the little tyke. In turn, this naturally leads to the little tyke growing to 50 times its size and eating your face off if you let it out in this condition. The good news is that an evolved trait of the Admin is that when in danger, in the dark, confused, or just plain bored it will get hungry. Lucky for you--not so lucky for the dice--it's all four of these conditions at once! Once its hunger is properly sated, you may proceed.
Signal your (mostly) non-hostile intentions via interperative dance. Do not worry that the Admin cannot see you, he or she will "see" the vibrations caused by your dance and smell the pherimones you produce. This will place them in a receptive state, but receptive to what is another matter... Therefore, you must recite the Warrior's Prayer to gain their favor:
Gods of war I call You. My sword is by my side.
I seek a life of honor, free from all false pride.
I will crack the whip with a bold mighty hail.
Cover me with death if I should ever fail.
Glory, Majesty, Unity!
Hail! Hail! Hail!
Now you're ready. Gently lift the box and whisper your question. However, be certain to phrase it in the form of a statement, somewhat like the opposite of Jeopardy, but do not do so in the form of a request. (Example: "What's the meaning of life?"
UNACCEPTABLE "TELL ME THE MEANING OF LIFE!"
UNACCEPTABLE "The meaning of life would be nice to know."
ACCEPTABLE.) There will be a brief glow followed by a blinding light. When you overturn the box, the Admin will no longer be there, but people will soon start referring to you by your new name. Congratulations! You have been eaten by a grue!