Priceless Events (Archives)

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Priceless Events (Archives)

Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 30 May 2003, 02:08

Okay, I have to start doing this. Whenever something amusing, hilarious, or just plain old humiliating happens I am going to immortalize it here. If you see something I miss please go ahead and let me know so I can include it.
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 30 May 2003, 03:37

Xian Zhu Xuande wrote:Moments later, Pei Yuanshao comes walking past Xu Huang’s tent, and catches a glimmer in the sand. He continues past. Ten minutes later he returns, and casually kicks the glimmer with his foot, and nearly jumps when he realizes it is a gold coin. He quickly hides to the side of Xu Huang’s tent entrance, and carefully snags the coin. He then notices that there are more. He vanishes only to return ten minutes later and on his way past kicks sand over the coins.

Pei Yuanshao then hides behind Xu Huang’s tent, and waits for hours until night settles over the camp. Once Xu Huang finally goes to sleep, he moves around and spends hours carefully digging up the coins. He jumps for joy when he finally has his pouch half-way full of the coins, and then finally comes across the letter. He worries for a moment that he might have come across Xu Huang’s oh-so-secretive money stash (who doesn’t bury their money in a hole outside their tent? he wonders), but then his curiosity gets the best of him and he snags the letter too. Xu Huang suddenly wakes up hearing noise outside his tent, and Pei Yuanshao yelps and runs. Xu Huang bursts out of his tent just in time to see Pei Yuanshao running off into the darkness.

Hours later he investigates the message.

Letter wrote:General Xu Huang
Here's the gold for your reward. Thank you in advance.

Signed
Lord Guo Yuan, Ruler of Qiao
Lieutenant governor

Pei Yuanshao paces for a moment, worried that he had stumbled across something important, then decides that anything would be better than confronting Xu Huang. In a rare moment of brilliance he thinks, “oh my, what is this? Someone must be trying to make Grumpo betray, we can’t have that. This gold may have been a bribe too… I better keep it, and eat the letter, so Huang thinks they wanted their gold more than him.”

Looking around nervously for a moment, Pei Yuanshao quickly devours the message, then vanishes into the camp, 100 gold richer and not feeling so good.

Pei Yuanshao eats a letter to “grumpo”…
Last edited by Xian Zhu Xuande on 07 Sep 2003, 00:48, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 30 May 2003, 03:37

Tarrot wrote:*Lao Zhe thanks the guard, and enters his room. He places his Halberd at the side of his bed, leaning up against a wall, and is about to take off his armor, when he thinks better of it, and decides to rest in his armor, out of a gut feeling he has. This of course leads to an uneasy sleep for Lao Zhe*

*some time passes*

*Lao Zhe wakens suddenly, hearing some loud sound, which sounded more like an object being flung into a wall or something along those lines. In his semi-tired state, he goes to light his lamp, so he could inquire to what the sound is, but drops the lamp, breaking it, and starting a fire along his bed. He thinks nothing of it, and tries to put out the fire, but apparently the oil also spilled out, and the fire begins spreading through the room. He then finally wakes up fully, and realizes the problem. He lights another lamp, looking for some water or something to put the fire out, and looks around the room. He stumbles however, and the other lamp falls again, and starts to burn the paper books. Lao Zhe, being the brave warrior that he is, thinks of only one thing to do at the moment: grab his family heirloom and run like a little girl. He opens the doors and begins running before the guards can stop him.*

Lao Zhe *while running through the guest halls*: FIRE! FIRE! THERE IS A LARGE FIRE! WOMEN AND LAO ZHE FIRST!

Lao Zhe “accidentally” starts a fire.
“Women and Lao Zhe first!”
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 30 May 2003, 03:37

Kymvir Reamiz wrote:Guo Meng the Maid
Feared Huangfu's Blade
So his son then Struck
And with a bit of Luck
Killed Huangfu in a Raid

Guo Meng the Maid
Heard Cao's Tirade
But to kill his son?
It can't be done.
And now Cao Song's a Shade.

Gou Meng the Maid
Keeps assassins well paid
But soon the loyal
will end Meng's toil
And his name will Fade.

A song is composed of Guo Meng, ruler of Luo Yang…
A rather catchy tune at that.
Last edited by Xian Zhu Xuande on 02 Jun 2003, 20:34, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 30 May 2003, 03:38

Vendetta wrote:Spies of Guo Meng report that in Xiang Yang they are performing a pseudo funeral for their late lord. Naturally Kosaka Masanobu and Guo Meng cannot pass this opportunity up to further sour their morale from their late lord's death and as such messenger is sent from the capital with a small ornate box.

The messenger arrives in the Xiang Yang audience hall and presents himself. "Prime Minister Guo Meng sends his condolences for the loss of your lord, the Han traitor Taishi Guang. Out of consideration, he offers this small gift."

Presenting the box to Sun Jai, the messenger then bows and leaves. Solemnly Sun Jai opens the box and finds an eyeball, apparently from the head of Taishi Guang. Stuck inside the box is a note.

"We are watching you."

A present arrives for the officers under the former lord Taishi Guang.
Formerly lord of Xiang Yang.
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 30 May 2003, 03:38

Vendetta wrote:Image

“Vendetta finally shows his feminine side…”
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 19 Jun 2003, 08:38

Xiahou Mao wrote:Image

There is nothing I can say that adds to this…
Credit goes to Maria for the makeover.
Last edited by Xian Zhu Xuande on 12 Jul 2003, 05:53, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 29 Jun 2003, 04:10

Heretic wrote:Annoyed, Lady Yu takes the hilt of her sword and slams Cao Tzu in the back of the head, in effect knocking him out. (in other words, shut up already, I'm not killing you.)

Heretic wrote:(ooc: okay there's a crowd waiting to see this RP, so I shall not disappoint.)

As Ma Yao Ling sticks his head out further, another soldier runs up to the executioner who whispers into his ear. Nodding, the executioner turns his axe around and swings the butt end of the axe down in a wide arch, with enough force to knock out Ma Yao Ling. As Ma Yao Ling lays there unconscious, the executioner mutters to the other guards, "... take his pants off..."

-----
*censored*
-----

When Ma Yao Ling comes to, he finds himself hanging from shackles on the in a prison cell. Gagged, His arms are stretched out while his legs are also tied down with chains and he is suspended in mid-air in the center of the cell. Unable to make any movements besides move his head around he scans around and finds that his legs were both broken, and then reset with splints. To his horror he also finds a large mass of bandages tied around his waist and groin. As the anasthetic herbs begin to wear off, the sharp pain forms in his legs, while a painful burning sensation erupts from his crotch. Nervously he looks around and finds a note directly in front of him, tied to the cell bars.

Quote:
"Cowards cannot call themselves men. Now, you can't either."

I suppose it was bound to happen to someone…
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 12 Jul 2003, 04:53

Xian Zhu Xuande wrote:Li Ming steps out of the room, then looks down the hall at the Emperor’s eunuchs. He smiles, and winks to them. “You ladies better be careful what you plan, especially if tragedy strikes. Guo Liang is a military officer, and he won’t tolerate corruption.”

He then turns and continues down the hall.

Gan Ning 27 wrote:Duan Gui: You would know, I guess, having spent so much "personal time" with our Prime Minister.

As soon as Gui finished, Cheng Kuang slaps his hand over Gui's mouth and pulls him back away from the direction Li Ming walked off in.

Xian Zhu Xuande wrote:Li Ming stops, having expected a reply, but honestly amused that it was so bold. He looked over his shoulder at the other remaining eunuchs and grinned. “You are running out of friends, and I have been tolerant of you thus far. Don’t push your luck further or each and every one of you will be exterminated. Right now we need loyal supporters, people who serve to benefit the Han, and others in power will be watching you. This is a friendly warning, from someone who spends too much ‘personal time’ with the Prime Minister.”

He turns and resumes his walk, whistling as he continues down the hall.

Li Ming, the Emperor’s guardian, shares some thoughts with the palace eunuchs as the Emperor lies ill in bed, their power destined to end.
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 12 Jul 2003, 05:53

Sugarbear wrote:Image

Evil knows no boundaries…
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 13 Aug 2003, 05:55

Xian Zhu Xuande wrote:Wang the Tiger zi Zhanmao – 魍彪 (战貓) – (v2 Tiger) 10-92-35-10-65
Ambush, Charming, Charge, Cunning, Dash, Duelist, Ferocity, Scout, Stealth, Weaponmaster
(When using Shout (Roar!), Intimidate, or Scare Wang the Tiger receives a 20% bonus to success. Wang cannot use Arrow. Special automatically wounds when used successfully by Wang the Tiger.)
Items: None
Gold: 3500 (in pouch)

Location: Follow the pretty tiger.

War +2

Lea Exp : 0/100
War Exp : 200/100
Int Exp : 0/100
Pol Exp : 0/100
Cha Exp : 0/100

(00 = 000) Governing a city for 1 month = 25 lead exp, and 25 pol exp.
(00 = 000) 1 Civil Development = 25 pol exp
(00 = 000) Developing public safety or city defense once = 25 war exp.
(00 = 000) Training troops once = 25 lead exp.
(00 = 000) Working on intelligence gathering once = 25 int exp.
(00 = 000) Going into battle once = 60 lead exp, and 60 war exp.
(01 = 200) Winning a deathmatch duel = 200 war exp.
(00 = 000) Losing a deathmatch duel = 100 war exp.
(00 = 000) Successfully recruiting an officer = 60 cha exp.
(00 = 000) 1 Successful plot = 60 int exp.
(00 = 000) 1 Unsuccessful plot = 30 int exp.
(00 = 000) Successfully visiting an NPC officer = 15 cha exp.
(00 = 000) Successfully sending [two] letter[s] = 5 cha exp.
(00 = 000) Successfully patrolling = 15 war exp.
(00 = 000) Successfully magistrating = 5 int exp.
(00 = 000) Successfully teaching letters = 5 pol exp.

Contracts: Raar?

Wang the Tiger was introduced…

Xian Zhu Xuande wrote:
Thief wrote:James need a Wang The Tiger avatar now! :lol:

The legacy... of Wang...

Image Image Image Image Image
The first of which is to be a new forum smilie! :wang:

Image
Wang comes from Destiny of an Emperor!

Nostalgia kicked in…

Xian Zhu Xuande wrote:Image

The usual avatar/bad title combination occurred…

Lady Kerrington wrote:An Essay on the Beauty of :wang:

Written by XZX and LK; Compiled by LK

One could talk about :wang: all day. :wang: likes to play. :wang: is also beautiful, and has high charisma. This will result in many people being attracted to :wang: . We do not know if this will hurt. It usually doesn't, but :wang: has hurt people before. :wang: once terribly maimed a man. It took him a long time before he could walk and function normally again. It was a very vigorous encounter with :wang: .

:wang: is quite energetic, but has recently been hiding in a cave. :wang: needs exercise, and :wang: will be recieving it very soon. :wang: will be growing in power. :wang: 's first exercise will be on Han Fu. While it isn't a very difficult exercise for :wang:, Han Fu will never forget it.

One may enjoy :wang:, depending on how uppity :wang: is during play time and training. If :wang: isn't in the mood, :wang: might fall asleep. A person could try to wake :wang: up, but it can require a lot of work. And sometimes, :wang: can be energetic, and may be particularly aggressive when woken.

Things got… interesting…

And this was all in the span of a few hours. :wang:
A SimRTK mascot is born.
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 07 Sep 2003, 00:44

Zhuge Xuanshi and Xian Zhu Xuande wrote:Xuanshi sits in Feng Tanghuang’s garden in Jian Ye, thinking about all that has already occurred in less than a year since his return. Many of his officers have left his services, he only wishes them luck, sure that they are just following their own paths in life. “How am I going to go about helping the Han? The Empress is a nut; she can’t even look beyond the necessity of her child’s survival. This Dong Zhou has nothing but ambitious thoughts, and Cao Cao, not a man who should be placed in a position of authority. Li Ming has surrounded himself with wolves.”

Xuanshi pulls a peach of a peach tree, and looks at it, taking a bite into it he savors the taste and it quenches the hunger within him. Looking back a second time, he notices some maggots in the fruit, quickly he spits out what little remains he has in his mouth and chucks the peach against the tree in irritation. Staring at the tree, he calls out to Feng Tanghuang. “Feng! I need some advice! Your good at that stuff! And you need a new gardener!”

Feng Tanghuang walks over with his own peach, looking at a maggot squirming around in it and trying to think how he might be able to salvage his quick snack. Finally he shrugs, turns the item over, and checks to see if the other side is any better. While cutting into it with his knife he shrugged in response to Zhuge Xuanshi. “Sorry, can’t help you with gardening. I can’t even order people to grow good peaces, apparently.”

He winked at him as he found maggots in the other side, and then chucked it as hard as he could at one of the gardeners, catching him on the side of the head and sending him running. “As for the capital, it looks like, my friend, that the Han will soon be dead without some special aid…”

Xuanshi looks off at the gardener as he runs, “wow . . . you sure hire athletic gardeners, but they have no sense of accomplishment.” He then turn to find another gardener, locating one the man stares back at Xuanshi, with panic in his eyes. Xuanshi shakes his head, “do you have any apples?” Xuanshi chuckles at his friend, “then my friend, who is the threat at the capital, is it the man who I’m sure is in need of some sort of special diet, Dong Zhou, or is it Cao Cao the ever so gracious as long as it gets him praises?”

Feng Tanghuang watches the gardener, then picks up another peach, but the man is already running. He shakes his head, and turns around, walking toward the end of the garden approaching the street and nodding for Zhuge Xuanshi to walk along with him. “Li Ming is the most reputable by far, but it is tough to say what will come of his unstable relationship with Guo Liang and Cao Cao.” He stops at the fence, and looks at the various people moving up and down the Luo Yang street. “Dong Zhuo cannot be trusted, and we don’t know what to make of any other major power in the land. Binh Back, my spies tell me, has been assassinated.” He looks over his shoulder and winks. “I know, damn huh?” Then he turns back to the street and throws the peach as hard as he can, speaking as he watches it fall. “And Eli is also rumored to be dead.” He shakes his head and starts searching the ground again as the peace explodes a few feet away from a child, who panics and runs away.

Xuanshi nods and picks up some fruit as he follows Feng Tanghuang listening to Feng as he throws the peach out into the street, and laughing when it nearly strikes a child. “Li Ming will soon be dead if a power struggle ensues between the two fiends whom he has placed in high positions below him, which would ensure that we have no more support from others within Luo Yang, and taking away our position in the capital city . . . Binh Bac dead you say?” Xuanshi laughs, “probably his own men”, he winks. Then placing a gold coin down, he points at an elderly couple walking by, and throws an apple. “So who do you believe should be the target of the army?”

Feng Tanghuang laughs as the apple hits the elderly man in the shoulder, and he turns to scream at them but runs when he realized they are military officers. He winks to Zhuge Xuanshi. “Nice, your finest display of military prowess in months, a little higher and you might have knocked him out, then you could feel bad about attacking old men with apples.”

A member of the city security approached, ready to shout at the two officers. Feng Tanghuang picked up another rotten peace, and chucked it at the man though, hitting him right in the forehead. The soldier was ready to shout, astonished at the attack, but turned and ran after seeing Feng Tanghuang with another peach ready. “I think Li Ming has a good chance of surviving any power struggle here, but my concern is simple. If we lose Li Ming while we support him, suddenly we become the enemy, the target. We should find a way to kidnap the unborn emperor and take him to safer location.” He chucks the peace into a gathering of men outside an inn, laughing when it breaks on a light and sprays all of them.

Xuanshi laughs hysterically at the city guards attempt to thwart their childish behavior, and politely waves at the men at the local inn when the peach strikes above them, spraying them with its contents. “All of China should adopt this method of adolescent behavior.” Xuanshi then picks up another apple and looks at Feng, “next time we go into battle, I’m bringing some apples with me, can you imagine the look on an opposing officers face as he attempts to taunt us, then gets pegged on the jewels with an apple.” The men at the Inn begin to shout at Feng Tanghuang and Xuanshi, attempting to taunt them into a confrontation. Xuanshi hurls another apple at the crowd, but misses and hits a waiter as he is walking outside to see the commotion. “I guess . . . the opposing officer will only be intimidated if I actually hit him.” Xuanshi picks up yet another fruit, “we have complete access to the palace, and we both know of many hiding places. Perhaps taking the soon to be born emperor to a safe location will be the best course of action.”

Feng Tanghuang laughs as he watches the inn, and throws another peach, which sails just over a man’s head. “You know what we should do? We should get a bunch of rotten eggs, and then load them up in a catapult next battle. We could fill the enemy camp with stink instead of rocks.” He turned and looked to Zhuge Xuanshi. “I am going to order our men to take the men who are taunting us, and then steal their clothes, setting them lose in the city center. And as for our problem, I think events have moved beyond us… for now. We just need to watch for our chance, and take it when it comes.”

“Yeah you should, I saw them throw fruit at us, and that’s not polite.” Xuanshi chuckles, “and the rotten eggs idea, that has to affect their sleeping habits in one form or another.” Xuanshi throws one more fruit at a random direction and begins to walk towards the house. “So should we return to Luo Yang?”

A peachy discussion in Jian Ye…
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 15 Sep 2003, 07:04

"Heeeeeey, people, lets over throw the Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

<img src="http://home.comcast.net/%7Exuande/m/yellowt.gif" />

GoooOOOoooOoooOOooo, Ye Children of the Yellow Turban!
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Postby Xian Zhu Xuande » 22 Sep 2003, 04:55

Junts’ Signature wrote:Liu Cao (劉操), styled Xuzhe (徐哲)
(V2 Balanced) (22) 6-5-16-17-20 (uh, yeah, that hurts)
Enchanting, Charming, Commercialist, Engineer, Farmer, Trade, Rumor, Wile, Loyalty
Also starring as Guan Yunchang

This is why you always always make sure your are thorougly prepared for people who might jump up and stick you in the lungs with various uncomfortable objects... like swords.
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Postby Junts » 22 Sep 2003, 21:35

Oa Tua wrote:Oa Tua stalks towards Song Yue Yuan, fixing him with an utterly cold glare that spoke of death, pain and loss. Looking into her eyes, Song realized that he was no longer in the presence of the woman he once knew, but rather a bitter shadow of what remained within her once pretense and artifice had been stripped away. She gritted her teeth and ignored his diatribe completely, raising her sword to strike him across the throat.

Her eyes narrowed as she heard Cao Ang's mumble, then she shook herself slightly, as if coming out of a trance. 'Oh, yes, Lord Ang. You are correct.' Then she shifted her weight and swung her sword anyway.

The blade sliced straight down the side of Song Yue Yuan's head, severing his ear and causing him to bleed quite a bit. She glanced up into his eyes, again giving him that cold glare of hate. "Now you match." she smirked, then turned and motioned for her men to bind him, and prepare a litter for Pi Sun Lang.


Song Yue Yuan learns why you never propose to a woman, then change your mind..and really gets to Be Like Kong (Liang).
The extraordinarily ancient Liu Cao of ages past.
<Elysia> I am the simRTK MILF
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